Written By: Tama-Lover

OK, the commercial goes; "Tamagotchi is a virtual pet, you have to raise it to an adult, what kind of virtual parent will you be?"

Yeah, right.

Hi, my name is Micheal. I am a Kutchitamatchi. Now, don't come running at me crying, "aw, E's so cute!" good greif, you don't even pronounce it right.

Bandai is NOT a toy company, but an undercover tamagotch kidnapper. Alow me to explain; "Mom!" I'm going to Dannys' house." I cried as I walked out the door.

"But sweetie, it's so dangerous out there, and you're so--" said my mom, as I walked out the door.

As I walked along I saw my worst enemy, Sheila, walk out the door of her house. I tried to run, but she saw me, or at least my light-up back-pack.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my arch rival, Micheal," she said.

"Yeah, my mom tol' me not ta hit gals, like you," I stated.

"Well, Isn't that an advantage." she grinned, "hey, Donna. Emily, Hannah! C'mon, let's beat up this meat head!" she shouted, just as Danny came 'round the corner.

"But hey, I never listen to her, anyhow!" and I yanked on one of her earrings.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" she yelled. Emily charged at me, and left a red spot on my pixels. (What you humans call skin.) Danny and I marched off, leaving the bunch of cootie invested females behind us.

"What are you renting?" I asked Danny, on our way to Tamatchi's Vidio.

"Mimitchi King, it rules!" he said enthusiasticly.

I made a face. "THAT? You want to rent THAT? Why? It's a girlish movie, I'm gonna rent the X-Tams."

"Oh, fine, but dude, I tell ya it's good!" gave in Danny, "I guess I'll get BatTamagotchi."

I sighed. "You'll never learn!"

At my house I asked my sister, ever wonder if there's life on Earth?"

"No. Don't be stupid, of course there isn't."

"OK, then how 'bout UFO's?"

"Never, it's just something a meathead like you would think up."

"Do you think you're pixels is half clear, half zit-encrusted?"

"Do you think you'll be dead in five or ten minutes?" She asked finally.

"Neither!" I made a beeline for my room.

Later that day I heard this stupid girlish squealing from my sisters room, and, of course ran to see what it was. I wasn't intruding, just...er...making sure they was OK.

"Whoa, Woman, what is it? Did you finally meet Hanson in person, or what?"

My sister gave me as LOOK.

"Get out of here, you jerk, we were just looking for a comet and we saw it." I looked at her disbelivingly.

"To bad you weren't here to see it." She added, and went on to explain; "It was soo cool, it came shooting down at us and then hovered, and shot strait back up again!!!"

I stared at her even more.

"Er...I, ah, gotta' run," I said and slammed the door behind me.

I wandered down the hall thinking to myself hardly seeing where I was going. I luckily could though, otherwise I would have walked right into the bathroom.

That wasn't a comet they saw, or even an asteroidish thing at all, I thought, they saw an alien! Boy, if only I had seen it, I wouldn't need anymore following proof! I wouldn't have to find it again, and risk being abducted by aliens! Maybe the aliens was Earthlings.Whoa dude!

I grabbed dad's camera on my way outside and checked to make sure there was enough film.

Then I was on my way!

Now comes the part where I can prove you humans are just plain ol' scum. (If not highly updated scum, too.)

Sheila was walking about and around humming the theme song to "Tamagotchis In Black", when all of a sudden out of the sky came a UFO, but I called it a NSUFO, Not So Unidentified Flying Object, picked up Sheila into their ship, I was scared at their intama powers, but was also relived by the fact that Sheila was out and off of this planet. I smiled ip at the ship, so mabye humans aren't so bad after all.

I went to bed with the very tune that Sheila was singing my head.

"YOU WHAT?" shouted Danny,in awe.

"I saw the Earthlings!" I boasted.

"Oh my god!" shouted Danny again.

We were playing baseball in the park and I had told Danny about the encounter.

"Danny, you're the only one who's seen this! I'm gonna mention you when they make me filthy rich! No wait, US rich, and we could..."

"You're vien, you know that?" said Danny angrily.

"What? Hey man what brought that on?"

"I'm tired of you always thinking of yourself and not thinking of others!"

"What?" I asked, still bewildered.

"Nobody's ever scolded you before, have they?" He asked, yelling now.

"WHAT?!" He knew nothing.

"You need this!" he said.

I saw the baseball bat swing towards me.

I stared at him, my head throbbed, and tears poured from my eyes.

"Whoa, Danny I thought we was pals," I said. Just as everything turned black.

I woke up in the car, driving away from the hospital. I could tell I wasn't hurt permanently, 'cause the date was the same as it was when I had blacked out, by my watch. And my mom wasn't crying. None the less, my head still throbbed.

"Mom, can I walk back home?" I asked.

"Oh, sweetie, you're awake! Well, OK. But only if you..." and mom went into one of her chants.

As I was walking home, I began hearing a sort of spinning.

"Whoa, my head must be worse than I thought." I said to myself.

Then I began seeing, a red light, and little beeps.

"Funny, I can't feel the pain." I added.

Then I saw the ground getting farther and farther away. and that was when I knew I wasn't in pain, my head was perfectly healed, but I was getting abducted into the very same Bandai ship I had smiled at earlier that week.

Inside was like a nightmare, thousands of little voises were calling out to me, wailing.

But I could do nothing, as I was slipped into a orange and yellow egg-like container.

I saw something being slipped into a slot in my container, and I began to feel drowsy, even though I tried to stay awake.

The last things I heard were, "No! No, not him!"

I fell into a deep trance, I tried to push the side of my case, but all I could do was go round and round, opening and closing my lips, back and forth, back and forth. I had to call to tell if I was hungry. Twice that day I felt sharp pains go through me, which brought back light on when Danny had hit me with that baseball bat, March 20th, 1997, Monday, 4:12. That was the last I would see of him, I knew.

That was also when I knew I would be trapped in there.



But we tamas escaped, somehow.

I don't know when I don't know how.

And now instead of you capturing us... WE are capturing YOU!

Yes that is the REAL, true story of Tamagotchi. I am raising a female White Human, hoping for it to turn into a Snow Human.


© Tama-Lover, October 8 1998

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